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Author:  Unknown to us, but obviously a Mom to someone

You Know You're a Mother When....

1.  You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
2.  You have barely enough time to shave one leg (or just part of a leg) at a time.
3.  You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're all equal.
4.  Your kid throws up and you catch it.
5.  Someone else's kid throws up at a party.  You keep eating.
6.  You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
7.  You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate
     without anything touching.
8.  Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand
     Central Station and you do it.
9.  You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into
     the shape of a gun.
10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.
14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in
     your good clothes!"
16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then
     spend half the night checking on the kids.
19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
20 You tell your husband you are going "potty", then realize you are the only two
     people in the room.
21. You find yourself telling your departing guests "night-night" instead of good night.
22. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you
     wouldn't trade it for anything.

Cheerfully distributed by:               Jerry W. Huvelle
                                                 The Motherhood Humor Man

                                                                                                    Series #9,000 to #9,999

If you were ever out in public with my father, chances are, you witnessed him chasing down women he didn't know.  Likely targets were women with children, particularly women whose children were fussing or otherwise demanding attention. 

For my father's companions, this pursuit was embarrasing at best, because most of these women were suspicious, and some of them even ignored him.  But those who were receptive to what he had to offer were treated to the Motherhood Humor which brought smiles and most of the time outright laughter to many frazzled parents. 

Intellectually, I understood what he was doing and why, but I only stopped feeling uncomfortable about my father's distribution of his Motherhood Humor when I went to the Fed Ex office one day and saw a copy hanging on the wall.  I said "I can see my father has been here." and the agent told me how much she thought of my father, and how much everyone in the office enjoyed the funny observations, and that they had made lots of copies for customers who  wanted to take one with them.  That was when I realized the great impact one little sheet of paper, and only a moment of time out of one man's day, could have on so many people's lives.  I was not embarrased at all after that.

Dad was on his "9K Series" (he had compiled, edited, run and distributed nine thousand of these sheets), and he asked for nothing in return, but he took great pleasure in bringing joy to people's lives.  This website would not be complete without Dad's Motherhood Humor, so here it is, just for you!